Member-only story
I’m sorry I haven’t been super present lately, it’s just that there’s this giant feral raccoon that’s been watching me through my window for months.
Hey there! I just wanted to say that I’m so so sorry to have been a little MIA recently- but I have a really good reason, I promise.
It’s just that- and I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this- I’ve had a loud, angry feral raccoon living in front of my house for months. I mean, I still do. As I write this, The Raccoon is pacing in front of my garage and letting out a chorus of piercing, unholy shrieks.
You’d think that a giant screaming raccoon would be the sort of thing a person would notice right away, but I have to admit it did sneak up on me.
Now, I can’t remember a time without a giant screaming feral raccoon.
She’s there when I go to bed- not that I sleep anymore, on account of the screeching- and she’s there when I wake up. At night she peers into my kitchen window and during the day she leans against the tree in my front yard, playing with a butterfly fly knife and occasionally cutting an apple and…
